


Please Believe That I Speak True

by Moonflower999



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Appreciative Mordred, Canon Era, Episode: s05e09 With All My Heart, F/M, M/M, Merlin Canon Fest 2017, Mordred is good, happier than canon, stronger together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-01-10 01:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12288771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonflower999/pseuds/Moonflower999
Summary: This takes place after the final scene in "With All My Heart" (aka The Dolma--season 5 ep 9). Morgana's curse is lifted from Gwen and Arthur has his queen back. While Merlin is relieved and truly happy to have succeeded, it is a little hard never to get any acknowledgement for who he is and what he does. But Mordred is there this time. And Mordred wants nothing more than to be there for Merlin...





	Please Believe That I Speak True

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Emrys MK (mk_malfoy)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mk_malfoy/gifts).



> Many thanks to all my lovely chat friends who kicked me out of chat and made me go work, gave me feedback and ideas! Special thanks to:  
> Dear Plutonia who read through every one of my fics when I was feeling insecure and left me lovely feedback on each one.  
> Wonderful Diana_Prallon who cheered me on late one night when I was panicking a bit, and taught me how to find what I need in Merlin Wiki!  
> And to my incredible, incredible beta, Pelydryn, who is sweet, encouraging, and insightful, and did wonders helping me make this so much better, even though she was busy being everyone's beta! (I've probably violated all the comma rules her and made her frown.) I am stubborn, so all mistakes that remain are my own (especially when it comes to commas)!
> 
> Major thanks to Emrys MK and kitty_fic for all the hard work putting together and pulling off this lovely fest.
> 
> Please note: Disclaimer: Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended. Also, the first dialogue between Mordred and Merlin, as they approach Camelot, is directly from the original script at the end of the episode.

Okay, so maybe Merlin was a little resentful that Arthur seemed to have been all too willing to just forget him and abandon him to the Dolma after he had saved Gwen’s life. And maybe it was a tad unfair to resent Arthur for not valuing everything he had done to save the queen. After all, Arthur had no way of knowing that Merlin was anything other than an overly familiar and somewhat bumbling servant. Most importantly, Gwen was free from the curse and healed from the horrible torment Morgana had subjected her to. That’s what was really important, and it meant the world to him to know that he had been able to do the nigh impossible and bring Gwen back from the edge of doom. 

With Queen Guinevere freed from the curse, they headed back to Camelot. Guinevere rode with Arthur. Merlin and Mordred lagged behind a bit to give them some privacy.

Mordred spoke quietly, “Arthur’s a lucky man.”

“Yes,” replied Merlin.

“Not just to have Gwen. To have you.” Mordred’s eyes shone with admiration.

“Oh, he’d find someone else to do his chores soon enough.” 

“Merlin, it was hardly a chore,” Mordred lowered his voice. “That was your magic back there, wasn’t it?”

Merlin didn’t reply, staring straight ahead. 

“Have no fear. I will not divulge your secret. I admire you. It can’t be easy to do so much for so little reward,” added Mordred.

Merlin scoffed, “I do not seek reward.”

“Well,” acknowledged Mordred, “recognition then?”

“My friends are safe and well. That is all I require.” Merlin cringed inwardly at how pompous and stiff he sounded—even to himself. He almost broke into a giggle at the passing thought that he’d at least learned something from Arthur. Beneath his cold veneer Merlin was appalled at his own behavior—but freezing Mordred out seemed like the only solution. If push came to shove, if the prophecy spoke true, and if he did indeed need to protect the royal prat from Mordred, it would be that much harder if he allowed the friendship he so longed for to take root.

Mordred broke the silence with a plea, “Merlin…please.”

And he couldn’t help it. He just had to glance over at Mordred’s face—and the loneliness there broke his heart. “What, Mordred? What is it you need from me?” Merlin asked quietly.

“I just want to talk with you,” Mordred replied, but _I’m dying of loneliness_ filled Merlin’s mind, and he knew that he was picking up on the druid’s feelings, and they were resonating with his own. 

Merlin nodded simply, and the younger man grinned at him, though his eyes were filled with unshed tears.

“Will you come to my rooms for supper tonight? We can relax and talk privately there.”

Merlin assented with a nod of his head, and turned his gaze forward again. They continued on in silence—the king’s manservant alternately looking forward to the meeting and dreading it, beating himself up for agreeing to meet, and then suppressing those thoughts completely. The truth was that he was desperate to be alone with someone else he could just be himself with. As much as he was thrilled and relieved, proud and happy to have saved Gwen--and he really, truly didn’t do it for praise or reward--it was rather wonderful to have someone who would know how much he had done, someone to witness and admire his magic.

As they approached the castle, Mordred drew near Merlin. “I’ll see you a little later then? I’ll arrange for dinner in my rooms.”

Again, Merlin simply nodded.

They handed off their horses to the groomsmen. Arthur led Gwen up the castle steps, off-handedly calling back to Merlin to arrange for baths and bring their supper to the royal suite. Merlin shrugged and shared a smile with Mordred before rushing off. He spared a few moments to share the good news with Gaius and drop some of his things in his room.

“Good job, my boy. I knew you could do it! Arthur and Gwen are very lucky to have you.”

“Thank you, Gaius. Oh, don’t worry about me for dinner tonight. I’m going to dine with Mordred.”

A look of concern flashed across Gaius’ face. “Do you think that’s wise?”

“I really don’t know, Gaius. I just don’t know—but don’t wait up for me.”  
Merlin headed to the kitchens to order the baths for the royal suite and collect the supper platters for Arthur and Gwen.

He entered the royal chambers, and arranged the platters on the table. Gwen and Arthur stood at the window, heads leaning together, murmuring to each other. They were so caught up in their own world, they barely spared him a glance. “The baths should be here shortly. Do you require anything else from me tonight, sire?”

“My armour, Merlin. I was waist-deep in that brackish pond. I’ll need that in the morning, so you won’t be idle tonight.”

Merlin wasn’t really muttering under his breath as he gathered up Arthur’s armor. “Ungrateful prat. Dolt. Selfish…” And Arthur and Gwen were too caught up in each other to even hear him anyway. Enough was enough. He took the armour to the nearest hidden alcove and spelled it into perfection. Then he stashed it in an empty cupboard, placed a concealment spell on the armour, and uttered another spell to keep the cabinet from being opened. In the morning he would gather up the armour and deliver it to Arthur. He was tired of ceaselessly using his magic to save other people, but so rarely using it for his own benefit. He could live with not getting any credit for what he did, but it also meant no one realised how hard he worked, and that he might be exhausted, and that maybe he could use a little break now and then. He headed over to a nearby window seat, pulled an apple out of his pocket, and sat down to savour it while watching the comings and goings below. The memory of Arthur nearly leaving him behind at the Cauldron of Arianrhod flashed before his eyes. He cringed a bit at that, but took it in stride. It hurt, but it was part of the cost of hiding in plain sight.

The evening bells rang, and Merlin headed towards the knights’ living quarters. He gave a small sigh, shook his head, and rapped sharply on the door to Mordred’s chambers. As soon as he stepped into the room, his senses were overwhelmed with the lovely smell of the supper that had been laid out on the side table. Mordred grinned sheepishly at Merlin’s gawking until Merlin’s stomach rumbled loudly and they both broke into laughter.

“I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you for joining me. Come, sit down!” said Mordred, filling two goblets with wine. He handed one to Merlin, who inhaled the scent with appreciation and then took a big gulp. “This is amazing. All of it. Wow. How did you get all of this? Is it true about you and Sally in the kitchen?”

Blushing, Mordred sat down before replying, “No. Well, not really. Though she did help me a bit when I told her I needed some things for a celebration. And then I ran down to the market and got a few things.”

“A celebration?” Merlin looked puzzled. “Have I lost track? Is it a druid feast day? Or your birthday?”

Mordred took a sip of his wine and just gazed at Merlin, at a loss for words. He looked both bemused and affectionate. “In your honour, Emrys. This is for you, all of it—in your honour.”

Merlin shifted uncomfortably. He began to deny, to resist, but deep down inside, a small part of him absolutely relished the attention and appreciation. He sat mute, gripping the edge of his seat, poised to run, and yet so hungry to stay and just bask in it all. “I…no…,” he began.

“Shh. Listen to me. I know that you don’t do any of this for fame or fortune, or admiration, or respect, or even a thank you. That much is obvious. But what you do is…well…it’s heroic, and it’s just brilliant! When I saw what you did today I wanted to talk about it with you, to show you off, to celebrate and to appreciate you with Queen Guinevere and Arthur.”

Elbows on the table, Merlin bent forward, burying his face in his hands.

Mordred continued, “Merlin, it hurts my heart to see you treated the fool when you have saved the king and the kingdom again and again. And when I witnessed the kind of magic you did today, I was awestruck, and so proud of you. I wanted to sing your praises, but couldn’t. Instead of nearly leaving you behind, we should have been carrying you on our shoulders and cheering for you. You should have come back into Camelot with a hero’s welcome, not carrying our bags. And so I hope that you will allow me to give the little I can. To be your friend…to celebrate you and your accomplishments, and to share some time where we can truly be ourselves—magic and all.”

At that, Merlin lifted his head and nodded solemnly. “That would be nice. That would be really nice. Thank you, Mordred.”

“Come on then. Let’s eat! There’s fish and roasted roots, fresh greens and chicken pie. And afterwards there’s a fruit tart, and sugared nuts…and of course there’s more wine,” Mordred said, filling Merlin’s goblet again. “And I’ve warded the room. I wanted to tell you. It’s safe here. You can just relax, and even use your magic. This place is safe. The gods will protect us here.”

Merlin couldn’t help but laugh at Mordred’s enthusiasm. It felt so good to relax, to be treated as someone special—he didn’t think he’d use his magic, but it felt so freeing to know that he didn’t have to be so guarded.

They ate, and they talked, and they laughed. Mordred confessed that he’d nearly burst out laughing when he’d seen Merlin playing the part of the Dolma. “I couldn’t believe Arthur didn’t realise it was you. But then all else flew from my mind, as Arthur called Gwen into the cauldron and the Goddess appeared before us!” Mordred’s eyes shone as he recalled the vision of the Goddess. He leaned over and took Merlin’s hand. “I will never forget her presence.”

Merlin leaned over and kissed the man. Maybe it was the good food and wine. Maybe it was relief at the completion of a task he had thought impossible. Maybe he was just a little bit high on the memory of the Great Goddess, and the appreciation in Mordred’s eyes. Or maybe it was just all the affection that he had refused to let himself feel ever since he had heard the prophecy. 

And Mordred was lovely to kiss. He wrapped a hand around the back of Merlin’s neck and pulled closer, then sighed so sweetly…it sounded like he’d never wanted to be anywhere else. Merlin fell into the kiss, and pushed back against the hand in his hair, purring like a cat at the affection.

At some length, Mordred pulled back—just a little. His hands slid down to Merlin’s shoulders, and he held him away slightly, while keeping him quite close at the same time. He looked directly into Merlin’s eyes and asked, “Why now, Merlin? I thought you hated me. I didn’t know what I’d done. I’ve so longed to be close to you.”

“I never hated you, Mordred,” said Merlin, shaking his head in denial. “I...I never hated you. I’m sorry I’ve hurt you. I’ve been doing everything all wrong.”

Mordred lifted one hand from Merlin’s shoulder, stroked his cheek, and said, “Tell me. Trust me. I swear on all that is holy to me that I will be worthy of your trust.” And mind to mind, Merlin heard, _Please Emrys. Please believe that I speak true._

Merlin looked into Mordred’s eyes hopelessly. “There is a prophecy,” he began. “Kilgharrah warned me against saving your life when we first met. I almost let you die.”

Mordred’s eyes widened, but he didn’t pull away.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Merlin gripped the edge of the table, steeling himself. He forced himself to continue and blurted out, “This secrecy is like a poison. Kilgharrah warned me that you would one day kill Arthur.”

_Never! I would never do such a thing. I’ve pledged myself to him! He is my friend. Emrys, you must believe me! I would die first!_ Mordred was so distraught that he spoke mind to mind as well as aloud. He began pacing the room.

“Mordred. Stop. Come here. Sit down! I believe you. I do. I believe that you will do everything in your power to prevent this prophecy from coming to pass. I do.”

Mordred nodded his head furiously, tears streaming down his face.

“And so will I,” said Merlin, firmly, clearly. “Together we will find a way to thwart this prophecy.” He paused for a moment, head bowed as he was overwhelmed with regret for the decisions he had made concerning Morgana. Then he straightened up, looked right into Mordred’s eyes, and said vehemently, “I should never have let Kilgharrah’s words drive a wedge between us. Never. The future is not set in stone. I was a fool to keep you at a distance. Forgive me. Please.” 

Merlin reached for Mordred, and Mordred moved into his arms. After a long embrace, Mordred disengaged and took Merlin’s face into his hands. He leaned his forehead against Merlin’s and said, “Please Merlin. Please let us share this way. I want you to truly see all that is in my heart and mind.”

“It’s alright, Mordred. I trust you. This is not necessary.”

“This is what I want, Emrys. Please.”

Merlin nodded, and Mordred took him by the hand and pulled him to the floor. They sat, legs crossed, facing each other, and leaned forwards until their foreheads were touching. Mordred was eager to open himself to Merlin, and Merlin was flooded with thoughts, feelings and images. He watched the terror, loss, and pain of a young boy grow into the hope, determination, and commitment to justice of the young man he had become. He watched as a young child’s awe and admiration grew into loyalty, dedication, and...love. Merlin let out a sigh of relief as he felt the depths of Mordred’s devotion to Arthur, and he gasped out loud as he realized how deeply in love Mordred was with him...not simply as Emrys, the sorcerer, but as Merlin, the man. Merlin pulled away gently, tears running down his face. His heart broke open at the intensely vulnerable look on Mordred’s face. He swiped Mordred’s tears away with his thumbs, and pulled him close again. If the hopefulness and peace he felt was any kind of indication, he had made the right decision.

“I will ask Arthur’s leave to visit my people tomorrow. Maybe the elders will be able to guide us. There must be a way.” Mordred dried his eyes, and looked to Merlin for approval.

“And we’ll talk with Gaius tomorrow. Perhaps he’ll have some ideas,” said Merlin, stroking Mordred’s hair with one hand, while he held him closely with the other. “Thank you,” he murmured against Mordred’s ear. “Thank you for everything. I haven’t felt this kind of hope for a long time.”

“Merlin, I would do anything for you,” Mordred breathed into Merlin’s neck, nestling closer. _Anything._

“Together, Mordred. We’ll do this together,” answered Merlin, who was just a little stunned to find himself grinning from ear to ear as he pulled Mordred into another kiss. The future had not felt this bright for a very long time.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so happy to get comments, if you care to leave any....
> 
> Also, I'm thinking I'm going to continue this, as it's writing itself in my brain at night...so if you're into it, hit subscribe!
> 
> Also, if you're looking for some Merlin-centric community, think about checking out Chat. This is a link to LiveJournal Chat page with info about the Merlin Chat on Chatzy. http://merlin-chat.livejournal.com/


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